Monthly Archives: October 2009
I’m Sorry. I was wrong. (And I’m giving away a free book!)
Man Rule number 487 states that a man can never admit when he’s wrong. Additional penalties apply if he admits to being lost – which is the worst kind of wrong. (And, yes, looking at a map or asking for directions counts as admitting we were wrong.) What some people don’t realize is that marriage vows release a man from this rule. In fact, husbands are expected to admit wrong even when we are not wrong. “I’m sorry. I was wrong.” is one of the first phrases every husband needs to learn.
So it is without fear that I must admit something about which I was wrong. For the past few weeks I have been convinced that the readers of this blog were giving me the silent treatment. With each post I waited, hoping for comments, but none were ever posted. I began to make wild theories that perhaps only wives were reading this and had instituted a secret vow of silence against me. I even imagined some poor husbands trying to post a comment only to be halted by “the glare.” If you’re not familiar with “the glare” it is the look that wives learn at bridal showers that allows them to stop a husband in his tracks. “The glare” quietly and violently speaks with raised eyebrows, “You better think twice before saying anything about me.” For any single guys that are having trouble understanding, just imagine something like a Jedi mind trick without the brown robes.
I even devised a plan to try to overcome the silence. I’m going to give away a book! I don’t mind copying from all the other bloggers I follow and giving away books certainly seems to be the current blogger version of McDonald’s Monopoly game. I had already purchased a copy of The Love Dare with the expectation of giving it away so using it as a peace offering to break the silence seemed like a winning plan.
Then my wife had to step in and prove me wrong. And in true wifely fashion she did it with a casual comment, “I tried to leave a comment on your blog, but it gave me some weird message.” It didn’t take long after that comment to discover that the comment section was not working. I’m not very familiar with Blogger (I usually use Drupal) and had somehow set it to use Captcha for each comment. The template I am using apparently doesn’t work very well with Captcha turned on. Oops. I’m sorry. I was wrong.
I think I have the comments working now, and I still want to give that book away. In fact, I’m thinking this may be just the first book of several. I haven’t read The Love Dare yet – I bought a copy for myself. However, I do have other books on Marriage that I think are awesome. I’ll be doing some reviews and then giving away some of my favorites.
So here’s the deal: Over the next week I will be posting three blog posts. The first one will be “How to Handle the Silent Treatment” followed by thoughts about laundry and a list of perplexing mysteries. If you are interested in winning the book, simply make a comment to any post on the website (even the older ones) and add the text DARE somewhere in the post. Two days after I post the last article I will have my wife select one of those comments at random for the book. I’ll announce the winner and hand deliver the book myself (to the post office.)
So let’s get started! Feel free to comment away (assuming the site will let you.) And quit giving me the silent treatment! 
Thankful Thursday – Marriage Edition
One of the people I follow on Twitter is Mandisa (@mandisaofficial.) Each week she proclaims “Thankful Thursday” and people tweet what they are thankful for. I’ve never participated in Thankful Thursday because… well… honestly…I don’t see any other guys participating. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been lurking, waiting to participate but it feels a bit like a girl party so I’ve stayed out of it. I’m still thankful, though, I promise.
Anyway, it got me thinking. I can post a Thankful Thursday blog post. That way I can participate without feeling like the lone guy at the baby shower. (Trust me, you don’t want to be that guy.) One thing that all husbands need to do is appreciate their wives. I’m extremely thankful for my wife. So take some time today to tell your wife how much and why you appreciate her.
One thing that we husbands have a hard time learning is when something needs to be said aloud and when something is implicit. Many men would say, “My wife knows I appreciate her. I don’t need to tell her.” Wrong answer! The amount of gas you developed at the church chili supper? That can go unspoken (especially around her friends.) Another recap of your high school sports accomplishments? That can go unspoken. But how much you love her and appreciate her? That needs to be stated – often.
Since most of us men are more comfortable with bullet points than prose, I am recommending something along the lines of the following:
(Important reminder: please modify this list to include your wife’s name and attributes relevant to her. You can’t steal someone’s list verbatim. That’s bad karma and nobody wants to be the karma chameleon, whatever that means.)
I am extremely thankful for my wife, Kristy.
I’m thankful for the big things:
- She puts up with me.
- She loves me.
- She is a wonderful mom to our three children.
I’m thankful for the little things:
- She locks the cat up when I’m trying to sleep late.
- She makes the best sweet tea in the world.
- She still packs my bags for me when I go on trips.
I love the way she:
- Tells me she is finished and going to get off the phone then talks for another 15 minutes
- Is addicted to Facebook
- gives hugs (I would also point out that she’s a good kisser, but we’re getting old and I don’t want my kids to throw up when they read this.)
Sick Husband Syndrome
Women are generally known for being more compassionate than men. They are often more caring, empathetic and gentle. However, there is a scenario where apparently the female caring gene gets turned off. For many men it catches us completely off guard, like a blitzing cornerback hitting a quarterback from the blind side.
I’ll stop the sports analogies before I get carried away. You may have noticed that it has been a while since the last post. (I include that sentence to make it look like people read this blog. Truth is, nobody actually noticed.) A really nasty cold had me down for almost two weeks. A bottle of NyQuil and two days off work were finally enough to bring me back. It also gave me some time to notice another interesting thing about marriage – I call it Sick Husband Syndrome.
Sick Husband Syndrome can be very confusing to a husband. During dating and the newlywed stage the wife is usually quick to take care of even the slightest cough or sniffle. Here’s an example:
Husband: I’m feeling tired.
Wife: (sympathetically) Oh no! Do you have a fever? Have you been coughing? Take another vitamin, three of these tablets and go lie down. I’ll bring a warm washcloth for you to put on your forehead.
Somewhere along the first few years, though, Sick Husband Syndrome kicks in. Once this happens the wife stops noticing any symptoms of illness in the husband. Shortly after this happens the husband would be wise to not mention any symptoms lest they be accused of skipping out on chores. Example:
Husband: [cough][cough] Hey honey, my throat has been killing me today!
Wife: So you didn’t take out the garbage?
When a couple has children this can become even more confusing because the wife resumes her ability to care for illness, but directs it only at the children. This is how it happened to me recently. I had not been feeling well since I returned from a trip. I took a few hours off work to rest in the afternoon. I barely ate any supper. My son was not feeling well and my wife had been checking him over to see what was wrong. I went to the bed to lie down. About an hour later my wife finds me dozing in bed. What was her response? Not “I’m sorry your feeling bad.” Not “Can I get you something?” Nope. Her response? “You’re in bed already? I’m washing clothes.”
