Monthly Archives: November 2009

Reasons To Be Thankful For Your Spouse

November 25, 2009   Chuck Allen   No comments

Are you thankful for your spouse? What’s that? Still complaining that they don’t help with the dishes or that they spend too much money? Put that aside! This week is Thanksgiving in the US and it makes a great excuse, anywhere in the world, to stop and be thankful for your spouse. Today’s post aims to help. To get you started I offer several reasons you can be thankful.
Reasons to be thankful for your wife:
  • She keeps you humble. If you didn’t have your wife, who would point out all of your weaknesses?
  • She keeps track of your to-do list. Heck, in most cases the wife actually creates the to-do list. What would you do with all your time if you didn’t have her to help prioritize?
  • She helps you find stuff. Maybe this only works in my house, but if I need to find something I only have to ask my wife. Of course usually the item was out in the open, exactly where I looked, but items come out of hiding when my wife goes to get them.
  • She provides driving assistance. Come on, you know you didn’t see that car that was stopping ahead or the fact that the car next you has its blinker on. What would you do without her help?
Reasons to be thankful for you husband:
  • He holds down the furniture. It’s true. As long as we’re around the couch or recliner are in no danger of moving. After all, you wouldn’t want your living room furniture just moving around on its own, would you? That would be creepy.
  • He probably only uses one towel. You may feel like your husband only adds to your laundry duties, but it could be worse. What’s up with women using 4 or 5 towels every time you take a shower anyway? In this case you’re husband deserves a hug for his moderation.
  • He provides you with a myriad of odors. This is important because otherwise your crazy collection of sprays and scented candles would serve no purpose. So the next time you cringe at his stinky shoes, or perhaps at him directly, be thankful.
But seriously: Take some time today to be thankful. It’s nice to have someone to share with- someone to laugh or cry with. Are you truly thankful? For an example, see my post on what I seriously love about my wife.

This list is only intended to get you started. (It may start you down the wrong path, but at least it’s a start.) What other reasons can you think of to be thankful for your husband or wife? Post your thoughts in the comments – serious or otherwise.

Read More

There is NOT a Book for That

November 19, 2009   Chuck Allen   2 Comments

Today’s post aims to fill a gap in marriage-related written material. On the surface it may seem that there are books to cover just about every aspect of the husband-wife relationship, but this is not the case. Want a book on how to listen to your spouse? There’s a book for that. How to restore the romance in your marriage? There’s a book for that. Explain why your spouse seems to speak a different language from a different planet? There are books for that. And most books worth reading will be quick to tell you that formulas and magic phrases are not the answer. Interpersonal relationships are too complex for simple answers. Women, in particular, are too complex for simple answers. Today, however, I present to you the exception. The one known situation in which wives will respond with predictability and repeatability. Today I present two behaviors guaranteed to annoy your wife.
One may ask the seemingly obvious question, “Why would I want to annoy my wife?” The problem is that the question avoids an important point: men will annoy their wives. Like it or not, husband, you will be found annoying. If you don’t believe me just ask your wife what you do that annoys her. I’m warning you, though, you’d better have some time on your hands. The way I see it, if you’re going to annoy your wife you might as well do it right. So here are my suggestions. Add your’s in the comments so we can all be the best husbands we can possibly be.

Procrastination - I like the word procrastination. It sounds so biblical. Apparently, though, it drives my wife crazy. When my wife asks me to take out the garbage she usually uses an indirect request phrase such as, “The trash is full.” Like most men, I have learned to translate that into “You need to take out the trash.” What I have recently come to understand, though, is that inaudible sounds at the end of her statement actually translate into “Take out the trash in the next 5 minutes or else.” From my perspective, taking it out later that evening or the next day is fine. From the male perspective odor should be the determining factor in when the garbage gets taken out, not something arbitrary like the volume of garbage in the container. I only use garbage as an example, though. The art of procrastination can apply to almost any situation – when to put the clothes in the laundry room, when to fix the stove that has been broken for a few months, the list goes on and on. You are only limited by your imagination!
Recycle old clothes - I have certain clothes that my wife absolutely hates. It’s not always easy to predict which clothes will fall out of her favor, but I have noticed one general rule: If it’s extremely comfortable, it will probably not pass the wife inspection. I’ve mentioned in another post about how wives will dispose of their husband’s favorite clothes if they do not like them. The key to properly annoying your wife with your favorite old clothes is to hide them after use. When people talk about keeping your relationship interesting, this is usually the game they are referring to. The husband wears the old article of clothing and then hides it. The wife then attempts to find the article of clothing and dispose of it without as much as a mention of its disposal. This game can be played with any item that the wive dislikes – shirts, jeans, jersey, shorts and shoes. (My wife hates my Vibram Five Fingers, but that deserves its own post.)
So there you have it, annoyance in only two easy steps. That should be enough to get you thinking about how to be the best husband you can be. Don’t forget my warning about asking your wife what annoys her. I asked my wife a few weeks ago and she is still adding items to the list.
Do you have any suggestions? Have you found sure-fire ways to annoy your wife? Post them here in the comments to help your fellow husbands out. Wives? I probably shouldn’t ask this, but do you have anything to add? :)
Read More

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a loser!

November 13, 2009   Chuck Allen   4 Comments

A while back I launched a contest for a free book. In that post I blamed the lack of comments on a error in the way I had the blog configured. In case you forgot, the prize was a copy of The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick. My wife was tasked with selecting a winner at random from all the comments that contained the word DARE.
And after reviewing all the comments since the contest began, I am proud to announce… “We have a loser!”
Yes, you read that right. It’s me. I’m the loser. I threw a party and nobody came. I only received one comment during the whole contest, and that comment wasn’t even trying for the book (no DARE anywhere.)
Since I’m a man – and married – I have three possible ways to respond:
1. Ignore it and pretend it never happened – I did contemplate this option for a while, but finally decided against it. This option is better used on things that are not recorded in permanent record. I use this option when predictions I make turn out false or when I’m proven wrong in an argument a few days later. It usually takes the form of no reply or possibly with the phrase “I didn’t say that!”
2. Throw a pity party – I’m not sure women know how to throw pity parties as well as men. I think the main reason is that they don’t train for it. Many of us men practice this art a few times every week so we have it down to an art. I actually embraced this option for a while when I realized that my contest was a bust. I contemplated quitting, smashing the site with a baseball bat or wadding it up into a ball and throwing it at the trash can. At that point I remembered that a blog is virtual and can’t be smashed or wadded and had to settle for calling it names. Fortunately, though, I’m married so I gave up the pity party option in favor of number three.
3. Blame my wife – This is the option I finally decided upon. No matter what the situation a married man can always deflect the blame towards his wife. We inherited this behavior from Adam. “The woman that you gave me, she gave it to me to eat.” If we’re late going somewhere, it’s my wife’s fault. If we overspent our budget, it’s my wife’s fault. If my jeans are too tight, it’s my wife’s fault. I am still upset about the time my team lost the game because she didn’t wash my lucky shirt. I’m not sure how, but the fact that no one comments on this blog must be her fault as well. At the very least she should have known this would happen and warned me!
I feel better already. I’m pretty sure option three is what people are referring to when they say “Take it like a man!” It sounds a lot better than the equivalent “Blame your wife!”
What do you think? Is this something wives do as well? Ladies, does your husband utilize any of these options? Let us know what you think in the comments! (If you’re not still ignoring me.)
Read More

Marriage and Baseball

November 10, 2009   Chuck Allen   No comments

Last week the New York Yankees won the baseball World Series. As I sat watching them celebrate I couldn’t help but think about how much baseball is like marriage. (Ok. Actually, it was a bit later that the thought occurred to me… as I found some nacho cheese on my wedding band, but that didn’t sound as interesting.) I realize that analogies can sometimes get out of hand so for this post I’m going to highlight areas where marriage and baseball are, and are not, alike.

Teamwork - Yes. This is the obvious one, but bear with me. I think this year’s World Series was a great picture of teamwork. The Yankees roster is filled with highly touted, highly paid stars, but no single individual stepped up to take over the series. Several of their “stars” struggled at various times, but different players performed when they had to. In fact, the MVP of the series was a hitter that doesn’t even play in the field anymore. This is definitely how a marriage should work. One can be up when the other is down. Unfortunately, some spouses feel more like a sidekick (think Batman’s Robin) than a teammate. If you’re the “star” of your marriage, then you may want to change something before you strike out.


Uniforms - No. Marriages do not need uniforms. If you are contemplating buying matching sweaters or entire outfits (egad!) please reconsider. Matching outfits may be cute for teenagers who are dating, but with married couples it leaves you looking more like siblings than lovers. Don’t do it. (Not even pinstripes.)


Hard Work - Yes. I enjoyed some of the comments of the players after the win talking about how hard they had worked to get there. I’m sure that’s true. Nobody makes a World Series roster without putting a lot of hard work into learning their skill. (Let’s forget, for the sake of this analogy, that the losing team also worked really hard.) Marriage takes a lot of work. We seem to forget sometimes that all relationships take work. They require our time and energy and our willingness to make changes. Marriages are no different in this regard.


Batboys - Uh, Maybe. Marriages could all benefit from having a bat boy. The bat boy’s job is to run out on the field and pick up the bats after the players throw them down. Even single households could use a bat boy to run around and pick up stuff. I’m pretty sure this is one of the main reasons that some couples choose to have children. In the long run, though, it is probably cheaper to hire a maid.


Ice Cream in Helmet Bowls - Yes. Yes. Double Yes. One of the really cool things at baseball games is that they sell ice cream in these little bowls shaped like a batting helmet. And the best part is that you get to keep the helmet bowl! If good relationships are analogous to having a great bowl of ice cream, then marriage is like having that ice cream in an awesome helmet bowl. It truly can be that fantastic.

I realize I may have missed some of the more obvious similarities such as the value of communication or the importance of showers, but I wanted to keep this post short. In my opinion the most important similarity has to do with why most baseball players play the game – they love it. If you’re married today then you are already playing the game. You started playing it because of love. Keep that at the heart of it all. If you’ve lost some of that as the season goes on, take a break from the things that are absorbing your time and make a commitment to love again. The reward is worth it.

Now it’s your turn. What other analogies did I miss between baseball and marriage?
Read More

Perplexing Mysteries of your Spouse

November 06, 2009   Chuck Allen   No comments

Many times we allow our differences to frustrate us. This can be especially true in relationships like marriage. Couples sometimes get irritated by behavior that they cannot understand. It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, some of the things I love most about my wife are those weird things she does that I am clueless to understand. Today’s post hopes to highlight some of the strange things that wives do that some husbands find perplexing.
Double Dish Washing – I know my wife is not alone in this, but she has this strange habit of washing the dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher. Isn’t that the point of the dishwasher? If you’re going to scrub them, why not just go ahead and put them in the cabinet? That’s kind of like taking a bath before you get into the shower.
“Saving” money by spending money – My wife is pretty good about not overspending. However, it still drives me crazy when she arrives home with her arms full of bags and announces “Guess how much money I saved!” We all love a good sale, but let’s be honest, we don’t save money by spending money. (Unless the item being purchased is electronic.)
Throwing away my favorite clothes – This is one area where men and women just need to agree to disagree. Certain clothes are worn for comfort or posterity and not fashion. The fact that a shirt has become tattered does not change the way it fits or change the fact that it was the lucky shirt that helped our team win the championship. My solution is to hide my favorite clothes, but I my wife still swipes a few every now and then. One last thing: ladies, if you do this to your husbands, please at least admit to it. Acting innocent and trying to convince us that we must have lost it somewhere just makes it more frustrating. (Except for when we actually did lose it and we find it a few weeks later. That makes us happy.)
Diversity is what makes life interesting. Diversity can make marriage interesting. The fact that I don’t understand my wife’s behavior does not make it bad. In fact, it keeps things fun. So let’s enjoy it!
What about you? Does your spouse have some “mysterious” behaviors that leave you perplexed? (Ladies, you can chime in here too.) Tell us in the comments.
Read More

Love and Laundry

November 04, 2009   Chuck Allen   No comments

Marriage is so romantic – candle light dinners, afternoons snuggling on the porch and don’t forget laundry.

Ok. So maybe laundry isn’t romantic, but it can definitely affect a marriage. In fact, laundry is one of the keys to a happy marriage. (By the way, keys to a happy marriage are lot like keys to a city – mostly ceremonial and given away without limit.)

Many men don’t know how to handle the laundry issue. Some get by for a while without having to address it, but laundry will eventually become a problem. I have admitted before that I am no expert, but in this post I hope to cover some of my observations about laundry. It’s a bit of a ramble but I patterned it after my pile of laundry. We’ll start with the socks.

1. Where does dirty laundry belong? – For some strange reason most women believe that laundry does not belong on the floor. For many men this is the most logical place for dirty laundry. It keeps it simple. If it’s not on the floor, it can be worn again. How hard is that to keep up with? Instead, wives devise a strange system of plastic baskets where dirty laundry is supposed to go. The problem with this method is that we men see a basket as something you throw things at. (Hence the game with a similar name.) I try to make my wife happy and play along, but she apparently thinks I should have a 100% field goal percentage. Not even Michael Jordan shot that well so why should I be expected to? I figure 30-40% is pretty good at my age.

2. Who’s job is this anyway? – At the risk of sounding chauvinistic I want to make the case that laundry should be the wife’s responsibility.

For starters, have you ever looked at the controls on an average washing machine? There is a control for water level and a separate control for temperature. There is also another control that has strange wordings on it such as permanent press and pre-wash with the word rinse mixed in at least four or fives different places. How are we supposed to understand that? Have you ever looked at the controls for a lawnmower? In many cases you simply grasp the handle and pull a string. That was invented for a man! The washing machine was apparently invented for aliens, but somehow women discovered the secret and began to use them. (Is that because they’re from Venus or something?)

If that is not a good enough argument, what about the whole color matching requirement? Laundry has a complex matrix of sorting items by color. And it’s not just colors! I guarantee you that most men, if they are honest, have no idea what the difference is between lights and whites. And why are the “darks” sometimes sorted into separate piles for red and blue? It’s a known fact that men are far more likely to be color blind than women. Why should we risk it?

3. Stepping up to the plate. – Men, even though I make the claim we should be exempt from laundry, there will come a time when you may need to help with the laundry.

You can prolong the agony by washing one of your wife’s white shirts with a new pair of jeans, but I don’t recommend it. Playing dumb can buy us a few years, but eventually we need to step up to the plate and help out. For me it happened around year 10. Your mileage may vary. Don’t forget, though, nothing says “I love you” like a washed basket of laundry. If you don’t believe me, try it.

I don’t recommend jumping into the laundry game on your own. It is my suspicion that each wife changes the color matrix slightly to increase our chances of getting it wrong. Talk with your wife about how laundry should be sorted and washed. Ideally, you should have her put it in writing. This serves two purposes. It stops her from secretly changing the rules on you (yes, they do that) while at the same time serving as a cheat sheet for you. My wife created a chart and placed it on the wall over the washing machine. It shows the formula for each color sort and water temperature combination. (I still can’t tell the difference in whites and lights, but if you get them dried fast enough you can dump them all together and cover your tracks.)

4. Origami anyone? – While I recommend that men help out with the laundry, I am usually referring to the use of the washer and dryer. Folding laundry is an entirely different subject and worthy of its own post. Bottom line is this: Don’t fall for the thought that folding laundry is like making paper airplanes. It’s not. It more like making pterodactyls out of tissue paper.

So what do you think? How should laundry responsibilities be shared? Feel free to vent in the comments.

Read More

Handling the Silent Treatment

November 02, 2009   Chuck Allen   3 Comments

Have you suddenly found yourself in a silent world? Has your wife suddenly and inexplicably gone quiet? You may have just found yourself the target of the Silent Treatment. You don’t have to be married to experience the silent treatment. It appears to be a tactic used in all types of relationships. And it is not used exclusively by one gender. Both men and women have been known to employ the silent treatment as a form of relationship manipulation.

Since this blog is intended to assist my fellow husbands I will focus strictly on the issue from a husband’s perspective. Besides, we are usually the worst at handling it. We are often clueless as to the cause of the situation, causing confusion and frustration. Some guys don’t even notice they are getting the silent treatment because they have long ago tuned out the sound of their wife’s voice. For those of us who do notice, here are my tips for how to handle it.

1. Be Thankful – Before you get upset about your wife employing the silent treatment on you, take a moment to count your blessings. Realize that at this very moment there are men who would pay large sums for a few hours of not having to listen to their wives. Some men haven’t been able to get a word into conversations with their wives for years. In their eyes you have been given a gift so enjoy it for a few minutes.

2. Don’t Ask – The number one mistake most of us make is asking the question, “What did I do?” Don’t do that. The situation is a set-up. If you admit that you do not even know what you are guilty of then you have just given her additional ammunition. Now you are insensitive in addition to whatever crime you initially committed. It’s kind of like a lineman in football that suddenly jerks his hands back from a block as if to say “I didn’t do anything.” The referee will call holding even if they didn’t see what happened. Don’t help them out by your reaction.


3. Apologize – I realize that some of you may be shaking your heads at this point saying, “I didn’t do anything wrong!” This reaction is normal if you misunderstand what apologies are. Many people assume apologies are admissions of guilt – an admission of the losing side. I disagree. I see apologies similar to a punt in football. You are simply giving the ball to the other team in hopes of ultimately gaining better field position. Apologize to your wife with something like this: “I’m sorry I upset you.” That’s a clean punt. It states the obvious (you somehow upset her) without furthering the argument. And we all know that furthering the argument does nothing for the relationship – nobody wins. If you can punt and put your marriage in better field position, you would be stupid to try a fake.

So what do you think? Do you have any tips for handling the silent treatment? Share them in the comments!

Read More