Monthly Archives: December 2009
Husband and Wife Compatibility Test
Look at them. They’re perfect for each other! They’re the perfect couple! I’m not sure exactly what those phrases mean, but I’ve heard them used before. Personally, when I think of perfect pairs I’m usually thinking food – nachos and cheese, burgers and bacon or peanut butter and chocolate. Those are perfect couples.
However, in an effort to find the perfect couple, today’s post will allow you to test your compatibility with your spouse. Grab a pen or pencil and calculate your score! (Or, you can count on your fingers if you prefer.)
- You both have the same favorite food +3 points
(Sympathy points if you even know what your spouse’s favorite food is + 1)
- You both love knitting or sewing +5 points
- You still trade your chewing gum when you kiss +5 points
- You both know the formula that makes up a quarterback rating +5 points
(Bonus points if you both know Brett Farve’s current QB rating + 10 points.)
- You wear the same underwear +8 points (but please don’t tell us)
- You both know what the color mauve looks like +4 points
(Bonus points if you have matching mauve sweaters + 10 points.)
- You both cry at the same movies + 5 points
(Note: Must be for the same reason. Crying because you wasted $30 on a chick flick that made your wife cry doesn’t count.)
- You get your hair cut at the same place +1 point
- You get your nails done at the same salon +6 points
- You have “his and hers” matching chain saws + 7 points
- You have 3 or more matching outfits +4 points
(Bonus points if one of those outfits is sleepwear + 2 points)
- You both have the same favorite magazine +2 points
(Minus 3 points if that magazine is about animals)
- You both enjoy talking on the phone for endless hours +2 points
(Bonus points if that includes talking to each other for endless hours +3 points)
- You both can rebuild a carburetor in under 30 seconds +4 points
(Sympathy points if you both even know what a carburetor does +2 points)
- You both are willing to stop and ask directions +3 points
So how did you do? Here is a grading sheet:
- 0 – 10 points - Do you even know your spouse’s name?
- 11 – 20 points - Do you even live in the same house?
- 21 – 30 points - Not bad, you scored more than most people.
- 31 – 40 points - Did you marry your twin?
- 41 + points – You’re so much alike how can you even stand to be around each other?
But seriously: Actually, the point of this pointless quiz was to emphasize the fact that we’re not identical to our spouse. In many cases we have different tastes, different hobbies and even different ways of communicating. The important thing is to realize that fact and allow our differences to add variety to our marriages. Too many times we let our differences create conflict. You may resent having to work to understand what your spouse is thinking or saying, but can imagine how boring it would be if you were both just alike?
Lost in Translation: Indirect Request Phrases
Attention all wives: the fact that many men like the movie character Yoda does not mean we want you to talk like him.
Communication is critical to a successful marriage. That is why today I feel compelled to address an issue that plagues marriages all around the world. The problem is the use of indirect request phrases, or IRPs. When using an IRP (pronounced “urp”) wives present direct orders, or requests, disguised as simple statements of fact or innocent questions. The unsuspecting husband is expected to identify the IRP and solve the hidden instruction in order to take action. It’s kind of like the movie National Treasure without the car chases and suspense.
In another post I recently made a passing reference to indirect request phrases by pointing out how my wife instructs me to take out the trash. (“The trash is full.”) If that were the only use of IRPs I would probably dismiss it and not bother raising awareness about it. Unfortunately, the problem is not that isolated. I’m suggesting a two-prong approach to the problem. My first solution is to simply ask all wives to please…. STOP! Don’t use IRPs on your husband. In fact, every time you do we are going to call it to your attention: “Did you just IRP on me?”
My second solution is for all of us husbands to create a master translation list. This list can provide the IRP verbiage along with whatever translation has been discovered. Using this list will allow us to better identify when our wives are IRPing and to better understand what it is they are trying to say. We can use this post as a starting point. Here are my first few contributions to this very important list.
IRP: “Are you going to wear that?”
Cross Reference: This phrase may seem like a simple Yes/No question, but it should, instead, be translated as “Go change into something nicer and check back with me before you leave the house.”
IRP: “Are you finished with your dinner?”
Cross Reference: This phrase can serve multiple purposes so you have to interpret it carefully. In many cases it should be translated simply as “Take your plate to the sink.” However, if you are a tad portly, like me, this phrase may say something more like “You need to stop eating now! You can’t save the starving people all over the world by eating enough for them too.”
IRP: “We don’t have much in this house to eat.”
Cross Reference: Most men learn fairly quickly that this phrase means “Take me out to eat.”
IRP: “Is the lawn mower broken?”
Cross Reference: This IRP is not as subtle as the rest, but it still causes challenges for many men because of its Yes/No format. Men assume that a Yes/No question should be answer with Yes or No and tend to leave it at that. In this case the translation should actually be something like “Go cut the grass before we lose a pet or child in it.”
But seriously: Word games can be fun, but communication is a critical part of a lasting and loving marriage. Good communication is a powerful tool. Conflict fades in the presence of good communication. Marriages fade in the absence of good communication.
So what else needs to be added to the list? Men, please contribute to the list and help your fellow men. Wives, you can sound off too. Are men guilty of this as well?
