Monthly Archives: January 2010
Marriage Hygiene Tips
Good hygiene is important to your health and your marriage too. For most people that is not an issue. Unfortunately, though, there is a dark side to hygiene that threatens every couple that has ever attempted to share a space.
If you’re contemplating marriage, I recommend discussing these items in advance of setting a wedding date. You should reach an agreement now to reduce the frustration later. I’m giving my preferences in these examples but you may want to adjust them to suit your needs. A few of these I had to be taught and a few of them I’m trying to teach my wife. (I’m not saying which ones, though.)
Toothpaste – The toothpaste should be squeezed from the end of the tube. If you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle it quickly becomes a mess. You are not in such a hurry that moving your hand a few inches further down the tube will make a difference. You can even roll the tube if you want, but at all costs squeeze from the end.
Toilet paper – I realize most men do not replace toilet paper rolls, electing instead to simply place the new roll on the counter or sink. However, if replaced, I’m told the paper should roll down the front of the unit. I have included a picture for reference on this one since an example is the easiest way to describe it. If you have a roll that rolls out the back of the unit, throw it away and get another one. I think those are manufacturer defects.
Razors – This is the one area where I will agree with the marketing pushed by the big corporations. Women need their own razor. My razor does a decent job of shaving faces, it doesn’t – and shouldn’t – shave legs or anywhere else. The hair on women’s legs is apparently made of a titanium thread and will dull a blade in a single use. For my face that translates into – Ouch! At the very least warning should be given if the razor is used. For the sake of fairness I will say that men should not use their wife’s razor either. (Although I doubt that ever happens.)
Toilet seats – I will not post an opinion on the age old issue of the proper placement of the toilet seat. (up or down) I will merely point out that it is just as easy for women to put it down as it is for men to lift it up. Some couples solve this stalemate by having separate bathrooms. Usually this means that the 1/2 bath somewhere hidden in the basement becomes the husbands toilet while the primary bathroom toilet belongs to the wife.
Toilet seat covers – I think I speak for most men when I say that a bathroom seat lid should not be fuzzy. Pets are fuzzy. Sweaters are fuzzy. Belly buttons are sometimes fuzzy, but toilet seat lids should be cold and hard. If your husband compromises and doesn’t complain about the seat cover, please chose one that is thin enough to let the lid stay up on its own. There is nothing more frustrating than having to hold the toilet seat up while conducting other business.
But seriously: It is always amazing the little things that can annoy us. They are funny to think about, but they really do cause frustrations and arguments. Do you think about the little things you can do to show your spouse you love them? If you don’t know what those little things are, ask. Putting effort into little things tells them that they are important to you.
So what did I miss? Add your thoughts in the comments. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on these items or other issues that couples face.
I’d Like To Buy An Argument
Fighting is as popular today as it ever has been. In contrast to our many songs about peace and love, when it comes to entertainment our time usually goes where there is a fight. Granted we have tidied it up a bit from the Romans with their gladiator battles in the coliseum, but there is still plenty to watch. If you don’t care for the in-your-face fighting of UFC or pro wrestling you can always tune into one of the many reality tv shows for some “social” fighting. The social fighting may not have as much sweat or blood, but it can be just as nasty.
Please don’t let that carry over into your marriage. Disagreements are bound to arise, but that doesn’t mean you have to end up as Ted and Peg Bundy. (Or any other number of sitcom couples for that matter.) Today’s post aims to help you handle your arguments quickly so your marriage doesn’t marinate in argument sauce. Here are four tips for better arguing.
1. Decide who’s right before you start – This can work wonders for your marriage. My wife and I have an agreement that applies to any disagreement we may have. It has already been decided that we will say I’m right and act as if she’s right. So basically I get to say I’m right while we take action based on her point of view. This works for us because she is smarter than I am. (Or is it because I like to be right?) You can negotiate your own agreement to fit your marriage.
2. Utilize Ro-Sham-Bo – The popular children’s hand game can come in very useful for solving arguments. Also known as Rock-Paper-Scissors, I like to refer to this game as the magic eight ball of marriage arguments. Simply state your point of view and then get your hand ready. I recommend setting a predetermined series such as best out of three, etc. Otherwise, we men tend to keep incrementing the game until we can win. (“No, best 26 out of 50!”)
3. Consider inflatable sumo suits – I’ve been dying to try this idea out. I suggest the procurement of two inflatable sumo suits. Once inflated, the suits allow the participants to waddle into each other trying to bump each other over. The last one standing is the winner. This could truly put the fun back in arguing.
4. Argue in cartoon voices - The next time you catch the two of you in an argument, simply call “Cartoon Time.” Both participants then have to switch to a cartoon voice. (You may want to practice a few to be ready.) It’s hard to believe that you could continue to argue more than ten minutes with Porky Pig or Yogi Bear. (“Hey Boo Boo, I totally disagree with you.”) You are also a lot less likely to argue in public if you have to use a cartoon voice.
But seriously: Disagreements can tear a marriage apart quickly. It’s important to deal with disagreements and not let them carry on. It always comes back to our ability to communicate with each other. Do you have an unresolved dispute in your marriage that is silently putting distance between the two of you?
What about you? Do you have any tips about handling arguments? Any funny argument stories? Share them in the comments!
Sumo picture borrowed from the Entertainment Group in Des Moines, IA.A Time To Cry
The past week, though, has seemed an inappropriate time to laugh. It’s hard to laugh after seeing the images of the hundreds of thousands of people whose lives have been turned upside down in Haiti. Images of children seeking their parents and mothers looking for their husbands are enough to bring tears to our eyes. The grief of those who have lost loved ones is poignant. Sitting and watching is hard. We feel as if we should do something, but what can we do?A Public Service Message Regarding GPS Navigational Systems
- Find the “voice” settings on your GPS unit.
- Select a “Male” voice.
- It is now safe to continue using your device.
GPS Unit: “Right turn in 30 feet”Husband Driver: “Nah, I know a short cut.”
The “For My Wife” Procrastination Excuse
For the past month I have taken a bit of a hiatus from writing. I’m proud to say that I did it for my marriage. I simply wanted to spend time focusing on my wife and kids.
Do you like how I did that? I totally passed my procrastination off as an admirable achievement. That is one of the perks of marriage- the “for my wife” procrastination and it’s the topic of today’s post.
Truth be told, I didn’t write much over the past month because I was busy, tired, bored, sick and caught up in the Christmas and New Year’s holiday madness. (You can translate that into “watching college football games” if you want.) Since I’m married, though, I can claim it as trying to spend more time with my wife. Having kids increases the effectiveness of the scam, but it’s just as useful – and cheaper in the long run – with just a wife.
The good side of this excuse is that it is next to impossible to disprove. After all, most couples only spend an average of 3 minutes a day with their focus solely on each other. In fact, those moments are so rare that many spouses fail to even notice they happened. All I have to do is remind my wife of one of those instances when we were alone together without distraction and I’ve probably made my point. And your spouse is the only one you have to convince. Outsiders are left wondering how you were able to focus your time on your wife and kids.
So men, if you’ve been looking for the perks of marriage, this is one of them. (Yeah, I realize that may be depressing to some of you but you will come to appreciate it around year 10.) Unmarried men can’t use this excuse. They are stuck having to fake illness or amnesia to explain their procrastination.
But seriously: The three-minutes stat was not exactly scientific, but the idea is unfortunately too true. How much time have you spent with your spouse without distractions this week? Brushing your teeth while she showers is not usually quality time spent together. Sending each other messages on Facebook or Twitter doesn’t count either. Plan some time today to give your wife your full attention. Wives, this can work for you too. Give your spouse what they really want – you.
What about you? How do you ensure that you and your spouse spend quality time together? What constitutes quality time in your opinion?
