Monthly Archives: September 2010
On Your Way Home
Today’s post was inspired by a section from Max Lucado’s new book “Outlive Your Life.” I have a review of that book here. The section inspiring this post can be found beginning on page 33 of the hardcopy edition.
It seems so simple. All that is expected is one simple task – pick up something from the store. Sometimes it’s milk. Sometimes it’s bread. Sometimes it’s things that men don’t like to purchase. Regardless of the item, though, the outcome is often the same. We arrive at home with a host of items but not the primary item. If multiple items were on the list, we arrive at home with about 80% of them, usually missing the most important items.
And while I usually avoid over-stereotyping things in terms of gender roles, this behavior seems to afflict men more than women. So what can a wife do? I’m glad you asked. Today’s post provides tips to help.
- Do not ask us to pick up just one item. – This is too much pressure for most of us. Telling us you only need one thing is about the same as saying “This is really simple, don’t mess it up.” This pressure to perform activates our competitive genes causing us to attempt to do better than expected. “You only need one item? No problem. I can bring home 10 items!” And once we get distracted trying to bring home the best stuff our chances of remembering the one item is greatly reduced.
- Do not tell us which item is most important. – If you are giving us a list of items, but you need eggs more than any of the others keep that information to yourself. Putting that item on priority increases the likelihood that it will be the item missed. It should be accepted that we will only arrive home with 80% of the items on the list. That means that you have an 8-in-10 chance that your most important item will make it home to us. Calling it out as the most important item reverses those chances to 2-in-10.
- Throw in some unnecessary items. – Given our assumption that only 80% of the items will be purchased, you can increase the odds of getting your preferred items by adding in unnecessary items. I’m pretty sure my wife does this. How else can you justify items like corn starch and baking powder? I’ve never seen those items used and am pretty sure they are only on the list to increase the odds of the other items making it home.
But seriously: It is funny how a simple task like picking up milk can become a source of frustration, but it’s not funny when couples allow little frustrations to cause friction in their marriage. Can you laugh together when one of you does something frustrating or annoying? Or does everything become an instant argument? Your marriage is too important to allow little things to rip it apart.
What about you? I would love to hear your stories about times like this. Did this post describe your spouse? Do wives do this too?
Bedroom Behavior
No marriage blog would be complete without addressing bedroom issues. Today’s post aims to do just that, and given our propensity for charts and formulas we have devised a progression of which every couple should be aware. Many marriages fail because couples expect things to remain exactly the same forever. The problem is that people don’t stay the same. Spouses have to be willing to love each other even as we change into different people over time.
If you need evidence of this fact you need look no further than the bedroom behavior progression. How long you’ve been married will likely determine where you are on the spectrum, but other factors can play into this as well. The stages of progression can be viewed as various genres of video entertainment. Which one are you?
Stage 1: The Soap Opera – The Soap Opera stage is closely tied to that phase often referred to as the “Honeymoon period.” During this stage couples sleep in each other’s arms and cuddle up next to each other. The couple could very easily share a twin bed without complaining. This comes in handy for many young couples as smaller beds are cheaper to obtain than large beds. Fighting over the covers is not an issue as it is hard to distinguish one person from the other.
Stage 2: The PG Movie – After the Soap Opera period wears off couples move into the PG Movie stage. During this stage couples sleep on opposite sides of the bed with a large gap in between them. Giving a good night kiss is allowed but is just a precursor to the inevitable roll-over which leaves each spouse facing opposite ways. PG Movies portray this a lot since it doesn’t raise a lot of questions from children. Basically, it looks like a sleep-over party. This stage requires a bed larger than the twin size. A double bed will work for skinny couples, but may not provide enough buffer space between them. A Queen or King size bed is preferable for this stage as the goal is to barely be in the same room together. One of the fun aspects of this stage is the silent game of tug-of-war that gets played for the covers. All throughout the night the spouses attempt to tuck the covers in such a way as to not lose any coverage while pulling some of the cover from the other. Whoever awakens with the most cover wins, although the score is never spoken out loud. (I’m currently winning at my house, but Kristy has won several key rounds recently.)
Stage 3: The Sitcom – After progressing through varying degrees of the PG Movie stage some couples realize that Lucy and Desi were smarter than we thought with their separate beds. While the additional space of the PG Movie stage is nice it doesn’t solve the problem of the bed covers as mentioned above. It also doesn’t address issues such as snoring or those annoying early-morning people. Having separate beds solves many of these issues, especially if the beds are in separate rooms. The size of the bed is once again rendered irrelevant as a twin or double bed is now useable. I’m hoping that when Kristy and I get to this stage we can just have bunk beds, but I’ll have to figure out some way to build me a mechanical lift.
But seriously: The fact that we change as people throughout our marriage is not something to take lightly. As our interests, tastes and even our personalities change our ability to love each other is tested. We don’t seem to mind watching children grow and change who they are, but do we allow our spouses the same freedom?
What about you? Do you have any insight to share on the bedroom progression or the changes we go through as we age?
