October 27, 2011 By Chuck AllenIt may be hard to believe but those cute little critters you call pets are actually monsters. Well, they could become monsters – if you let Read More »
October 24, 2011 By Chuck AllenAh, vacation! It sounds so relaxing and fun. Images of lying on the beach or screaming on roller coasters dance in our minds. Packing is no Read More »
October 20, 2011 By Chuck AllenFighting back often means hunting down the monster. Most people assume that hunting begins with gathering the right equipment. Even in horror flicks the main character Read More »
October 17, 2011 By Chuck AllenWhy are all shows about marriage comedies? Whether it’s movies or television, if the main story is about marriage, comedy will abound. Sure, there are married Read More »
September 22, 2011 By Chuck AllenOne of the goals of this blog is to provide advice for men who are considering marriage. Women have strange rituals such as teas and showers Read More »
Tag Archives: quality time
I think love songs create a wrong impression for many people entering marriage. This can be a problem once people realize how different the reality is from the image. Today’s post aims to clear up some of the confusion. We will begin with the “love song” version of what a man will do for his woman and follow that up with a list of what you will actually do in the real world of marriage.
According to songs a man will: (See if you can figure out which songs these come from.)
- Never let you go
- Die for you
- Carry your smile in his heart
- Crawl upon the floor
- See her face every time he closes his eyes
- Feel cold and long for your embrace
- Lay you down on a bed of roses
- Always Stay Around
- Stand with you on a mountain
- Sleep out in the rain
What you will actually do:
- Hold her purse in the mall
- Go get strange food at 2 am when she’s pregnant
- Eat burnt meals without complaining to avoid hurting her feelings
- Learn to use a plunger
- Take out the trash
- Wait, wait, wait, wait and wait
But seriously: It is important to remember that marriage is about life together, and life is not always romantic and fun. Sometimes life requires very mundane things of us (like holding that purse). Learn to enjoy every moment you have together – even if doesn’t feel like the stuff love songs are made of.
What about you? Can you think of more things that don’t make it into the love songs?
For the past month I have taken a bit of a hiatus from writing. I’m proud to say that I did it for my marriage. I simply wanted to spend time focusing on my wife and kids.
Do you like how I did that? I totally passed my procrastination off as an admirable achievement. That is one of the perks of marriage- the “for my wife” procrastination and it’s the topic of today’s post.
Truth be told, I didn’t write much over the past month because I was busy, tired, bored, sick and caught up in the Christmas and New Year’s holiday madness. (You can translate that into “watching college football games” if you want.) Since I’m married, though, I can claim it as trying to spend more time with my wife. Having kids increases the effectiveness of the scam, but it’s just as useful – and cheaper in the long run – with just a wife.
The good side of this excuse is that it is next to impossible to disprove. After all, most couples only spend an average of 3 minutes a day with their focus solely on each other. In fact, those moments are so rare that many spouses fail to even notice they happened. All I have to do is remind my wife of one of those instances when we were alone together without distraction and I’ve probably made my point. And your spouse is the only one you have to convince. Outsiders are left wondering how you were able to focus your time on your wife and kids.
So men, if you’ve been looking for the perks of marriage, this is one of them. (Yeah, I realize that may be depressing to some of you but you will come to appreciate it around year 10.) Unmarried men can’t use this excuse. They are stuck having to fake illness or amnesia to explain their procrastination.
But seriously: The three-minutes stat was not exactly scientific, but the idea is unfortunately too true. How much time have you spent with your spouse without distractions this week? Brushing your teeth while she showers is not usually quality time spent together. Sending each other messages on Facebook or Twitter doesn’t count either. Plan some time today to give your wife your full attention. Wives, this can work for you too. Give your spouse what they really want – you.
What about you? How do you ensure that you and your spouse spend quality time together? What constitutes quality time in your opinion?