How you celebrate Valentine’s Day may have a lot to do with how long you and your spouse have been together. For many couples the progression of Valentine’ Day goes something like this:

Dating – Dinner at a nice restaurant, roses, candy, a gift (usually jewelry) and the evening ends with a passionate kiss

Engaged -Dinner at a nice restaurant, roses, candy, skip the gift so you can afford the wedding and the evening ends with a passionate kiss

Newlywed – Dinner at a cheap restaurant (bills are piling up), flowers (something less expensive than roses), candy, a gift and the evening ends with a passionate kiss and whatever that leads to

Married 3-5 years – Dinner at home, flowers (definitely not roses), candy, a gift (something practical like a blender or toaster) and the evening ends as you both fall asleep watching movies on the sofa

Married 6-8 years – Flowers, candy, a gift (still something practical, maybe a new cell phone) and the evening ends with a hug

Married 9-10 years – Candy, a card and she hurries to bed hoping to get to sleep before he starts snoring

Married 11+ years – Pick up a bag of candy while out shopping at Wal-Mart

But seriously: How we celebrate can change over time as tokens of our affection change from physical items to intangible moments shared. The important thing is to make sure your spouse knows how you feel. Take advantage of a day like Valentine’s Day to love your spouse in whatever ways are meaningful to you both.

So what did I miss? Does this progression fit your experience? Are there other changes you’ve experienced over the years?

Are you creative with your gift giving ideas? Some men are good at crafting creative Valentine surprises. The rest of us? Not so much. Chances are good that if you do not have a female friend helping you be creative, you may be headed for disaster.

Today’s post aims to be the red flag of caution to help keep creativity from damaging your marriage. Here are several “creative” ideas that you may want to avoid.

1. Characters - The first important suggestion is to rule out all ideas of dressing up like any characters. No matter what that guy at the office said, you should never dress up like the cupid for any part of the Valentine’s celebration. For some reason a little chubby guy wearing a diaper is considered cute for Valentine cards. A chubby guy wearing a diaper in the kitchen is… well, scary. There is a reason that Halloween and Valentine’s day are separated by eight months.
2. Home made gifts – Many well-intentioned advisors suggest considering home made gifts as a way to show that you put thought into the gift. The home made gift idea is actually a trick to test our gullibility. If my children bring my wife a hand made Valentine card it will make her day. If I give her a hand made card she will assume that I forgot to get a real card and I may lose rights to the tv remote for a few weeks. You should proceed with caution even if your wife says, “Just make me a gift.” Unless you are a master jewelry maker, designer of couture clothing or the creator of Godiva chocolate you are asking for trouble.
3. Romantic getaway – For this item I just want to offer some much-needed clarification regarding romantic getaways. As a general rule if the trip itinerary includes any of the following it will not classify as a romantic getaway: football, basketball, NASCAR, guns, computers, moon pies, tools, monster trucks or fishing gear.

But seriously: We all know that the gift itself if not what is important. However, the phrase “it’s the thought that counts” could be better phrased “it’s the amount of thought that counts.” Remembering a holiday is not enough. Take some time to let your spouse know that you really care and that you pay attention to what they like. Little things can be big if they hint at a deeper understanding of each other.

Any other suggestions of what to avoid? Any suggestions of what will work?